A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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