Whod you bang
I bet he comes in French.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
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