So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
