and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
