It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Randomize
