ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
