She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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