The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
