I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Randomize
