So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
