i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
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