I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
