Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize