What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
