Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Randomize
