maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Randomize
