It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
