Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
it wasn't lemon gatorade
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
