Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
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