hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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