Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
All the doctor said was why
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Randomize
