so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
