im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
