I accidentally burped into my bong.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
