What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
Moan for me like Helen Keller
I could make wine with my vomit
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
