please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Randomize
