if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I just googled if crying burns calories
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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