So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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