I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Operation Purity has been aborted
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
