Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
