If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Randomize
