alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
