I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
