I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
