Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Randomize
