So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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