you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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