My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
