I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Randomize
