So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
