FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
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