I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
i out mim tonsoeep
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