3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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