He kissed a someone with a penis
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Come back. Shots need mouths.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
