So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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