Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
