I'm so fucking centered right now
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
