go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Randomize
