Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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