My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
