life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
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