you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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