So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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