Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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