Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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