Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Randomize
