Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Randomize
