I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
