...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Randomize
