I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
