just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Randomize
