I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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