she was so not down for the gang bang
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
