it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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