I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
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