Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
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