I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
