Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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