We need to rekindle our bromance
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
