Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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