we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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