The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
