Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Randomize
