I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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