my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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