My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I'm sobbing to NWA
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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