I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
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