They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
