Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
high people should be assigned attendants
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Randomize
